


Light Touches; Unwanted Love

by teddybeare12



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anger, Effects of Rape, Experimental Style, Fear, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Other, Rape/Non-con Elements, Triggers, i'm going to hell lol, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 03:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16946508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddybeare12/pseuds/teddybeare12
Summary: He didn't desire those light touches.And he certainly didn't desire their after effects.





	Light Touches; Unwanted Love

**Author's Note:**

> trying something new i guess  
> beware the tags please  
> this could be seriously triggering

The memory won't leave.

 

It's decided to stay for a while this time, it seems.

 

Normally, it stays away for long periods of time and resurfaces for brief flickers at night.

 

But this time...

 

This time it was staying.

 

It shouldn't haunt him so.

 

It really wasn't all that bad.

 

Especially in comparison to what happened to others.

 

It shouldn't have _ruined_ him.

 

But it did.

 

It was only light touches.

 

Delicate fingers running where they shouldn't.

 

It wasn't violent.

 

It wasn't gruesome.

 

It was careful.

 

It was soft.

 

It was _wrong_.

 

It had felt so very _wrong_.

 

He didn't want those light touches.

 

He didn't want those delicate fingers carefully making their way up and down, over and over.

 

He wanted them to leave him alone.

 

He didn't want their touches.

 

But he had been so young.

 

He hadn't even known what it really was.

 

He didn't know.

 

But he knew it was wrong.

 

He wanted to tell someone.

 

The sick feeling in his throat threatened to make him throw it all up.

 

He really did want to tell someone.

 

But he had felt _ashamed_.

 

He didn't know why he felt that way.

 

He didn't do anything.

 

He didn't ask for it.

 

He didn't ask for those light touches in unwanted places.

 

But he still felt ashamed.

 

Why him?

 

He must have done something, right?

 

Why didn't he say anything to them?

 

Why didn't he scream and yell and tell them to stop?

 

_Why why why why_

 

He _should_ have.

 

He should have done something.

 

He should have done more.

 

It must have been his fault.

 

Maybe that's why he felt ashamed.

 

Maybe that's why he didn't tell anyone.

 

He _couldn't_.

 

 

 

 

Until he did.

 

It overwhelmed him.

 

Those same fingers in the same room as him once more.

 

There was _fear_.

 

There was _anger_.

 

There was _guilt_.

 

He cracked.

 

He couldn't keep it in.

 

He couldn't keep that horrible secret.

 

So he told.

 

He told and those fingers left him forever.

 

He should feel _safe_ now.

 

He should feel _better_.

 

They were gone.

 

And really...

 

They were only light touches.

 

And maybe they were accidents.

 

Maybe they didn't mean to creep into those places that they did.

 

There had to be an explanation.

 

There had to be a reason.

 

But none came to mind.

 

So he just tried to forget.

 

 

 

 

The memory stays away most of the time.

 

It _has_ to.

 

It doesn't come back around often.

 

And he tries to live his life as if it had never happened.

 

It's fairly easy most of the time.

 

The memory doesn't impede too often.

 

But sometimes it creeps in for just a moment and he can feel those light touches all over again.

 

It's _terrifying_.

 

Why won't it go away?

 

It's ridiculous, honestly.

 

The way the memory refuses to let go of him.

 

It keeps its hold on him more than he likes to admit.

 

But this time...

 

The memory is strong.

 

Light touches overwhelm him.

 

He can't shake them.

 

They're _everywhere_.

 

They won't leave him alone.

 

He doesn't want them.

 

He _never_ wanted them.

 

They have to leave.

 

They have to leave him _alone_.

 

He realizes that he fears them.

 

That he fears that those light touches will return once more.

 

That they'll return... but in a different form.

 

He fears that different fingers will wander to those same places.

 

He fears they will create the same feelings.

 

He wonders... if that is why he won't become involved with someone.

 

He's afraid.

 

He's afraid of what will come from the love he so desperately desires.

 

He _wants_ the love.

 

He wants to feel wanted.

 

He wants to feel valued.

 

He wants to feel safe.

 

He really does.

 

But...

 

Those light touches...

 

He's scared that...

 

Maybe those fingers will only take advantage of him again.

 

Maybe they'll wander and then leave him again.

 

Maybe that's why he can't... _won't_... love.

 

That must be why...

 

It's sad, really...

 

Fear is his only love.

 

But fear... isn't much of a companion.

 

So...

 

He'll forever be alone.

**Author's Note:**

> welp there ya have it folks  
> sorry lol  
> i know it was bad  
> but i was just trying something
> 
> sooooo ye :)


End file.
